christmas!!! (:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! (:

in a blink of eye, christmas' 07 is over.

i seems lyk i just celebrated christmas' 06 last year man!!!

but yeah, it's great seeing how God had made a tremendous

move in each and every single individual this year ;

everyone having a breakthrough after breakaway camp ;

having new visions and dreams.

it was a blast this year man!!!

answering christ in april, and now seeing myself grow and change

so much after 9months in church.

made many friends that i can confine in; made many friends

that will for sure be thr when i needed them ;

& most imptly having gained memories that are precious!!! (:

in conclusion: GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS AWESOME!!! GOD IS REAL!!!

PEEKURESSSSSSSSSS! <3

heyheyhey!!! =)

shermagne is happy!! shermagne is happy!!! shermagne is happy!!

hahaha (: say YAY!!! :DDDDDDDD

somehow, i'm happy today!!

& thats a good thng i knw cos that means SHERMAGNE IS BACK!

soyeah, went over grandma's hse today and acc her th whole day.

real fun having to spend tym wit her after soooooo long!

had dinner over at her place

& trust me, th chilli crabs that she cooked is th best okays!!

hahaha :DDDDDD

ohohoh, tmr finally gg to meet up wit yanping & jaslyn!!

so happy man!!

heyhey!!! i'm a happy girl!!!! (:

it felt lyk strangers

stayed home th whole day today

watching taiwanese drama- my lucky star.

cried my eyes out while watching th show.

trust me, it is th first ever show that made me cry so much okays!!

watched till abt 4plus 5 when i stopped cos was having tummyache.

ran to th toilet & ended up throwing up.

vomitted and vomitted as if thr was no tmr; terrible man.

popped in penadol and went to slp.

woke up arnd 7plus & thank God i was feeling a lil better.

msg-ed and ring-ed up bestfriend after 4days!!! much miss man!!!

but.. th whole conversation seems so stranger lyk.

i mean lyk it felt so cold; it felt as if we both nvr known each other.

i felt lost; i felt scared; i felt worried;

th first thought that came into me was " what am i to do? "

tears just flowed down lyk taps after hanging up.

i was totally lost. i reali miss bestfriend alot alot!!!!!!!!

but thr's nth i can possibly do.

" passing remarks taken as real words from th heart;

results turned out to be heartaches & disappointments.

what's th use of putting in so much effort?

disappointments is wat you'll get in th end."

however, i'm just gg to persevere on; i will wait.

though th decision that i'm making

might just make me reali tired after a period of tym;

but i don't want to live regretting wat i shld have done.

-

" i'm sorry, i don't know you that well. "

IMY!

i miss you;
but i don't have th courage to tell you i really do.


-


TODAY BROTHER'S POP!! YAY!! :DDDD

okays, shall let th pictures do th talking.

arrived at changi pier & took a ferry to pulau tekong!

arrived tekong at abt 1005amtekong's parade square before 1015am

recruits from coy E, coy C, coy F started marching in at 1015am

& th ceremony officially start!! (:

after a speech, th recruits starts to march pass at 1045am

recruit C W TANG! (:

Brother wit mum! (:

then wit DAD! (:

& wit yours' truely!! (:
at last, TANG FAMILY! (:
then wit th cousins! (:

& FINALLY OUT OF TEKONG AT 1200pm!! YAY!! :DDDD

revelations (:

haven't recovered from cough since arrival from korea

which was a week ago i guess.

isit a bad thng or a good thng uh ?

hahah, i oso dunno.

on 1 hand, i wish i nvr recovered; but th other i wish i got my voice back.

gosh!!! thr i go again. contradictions.

anyways, was scrolling thru hp inbox & realise that then was different from now.

it's lyk promises made then, seems to be empty promises.

however, when promises made then, were said to be not an empty promise.

okays, do u all get it ? i doubt so.

hahhaha, read through all;

some were encouraging; heartbreaking; heartwarming; touching.

but somehow, wat shld be happening seems to be in contradictions.

but you know, words that seems to be might not necessarily

means it is meant from th heart;

it might jus be a passing remark but took seriously &

at th end of th day when everythng reveals, it's just hard to take.

hahaha, though thngs do happen but it's just meant to be i guess.

thr's nth that can be done to make th matter not happen again.

people do come and go in life, & it's oneself that makes th difference.

thr's somethng that Ivan said, that kept me thinking for a few days;

"friends that leak our secrets; friends that betray you;

that does not mean he/she is not a good friend. situations that happen

between you & your friends, make you change challenges into opportunities

for you to understand & know your friend better."

it's jus simple words lyk these, that set me thinking abt wat he said.

& somehow, just few situations

that happen before/during/after breakaway camp, sets me thinking & understanding.

it jus made me feel that GOD indeed is amazing.

things that happened in my life, GOD know it all;

he has alrdy lit-ed up th path that i need to take.

it's just me that is not obedient, & that leads to unwilling-ness.

on that particular phone conversation wit Ivan,

he ask me what is my desire in church & in cell group.

that again sets me thinking; what do i reali want?

i thought of all this questions, all this doubts; having a buring desire for an answer.

& what i know now is that once again, i reali need to revive

th fire that was once burning real hot for GOD.

once again, i know that i have to be obedient and willing in GOD's word.

& thats why today i made a promise to GOD; to myself;

i want to be th encourager; i want to be th initate-er;

i want to be GOD sensitive; i want to have a vision/ revelation.

i prayed to GOD, ensuring HIM upon th thngs i promised.

& somehow i felt a nudge in my heart, ensuring me that i can, i can, i can.

i want to rise up!

i want to once again break my heart, for GOD to heal it.

ALLELUIA! PRAISE TH LORD! :DDDDDDDDD

GIDEON ON! (:

heyheyss!!! back from camp!! and finally (:

ET BREAKAWAY CAMP '07!!!!

day ONE!

met up wit fiona and eunice in th morning for breakfast

before gg to th camp site which was at PLMGS(primary).

waited for cab for nearly an hour but all was hired and then we were alrdy late.

but thank God that eunice's dad was at home

and he sent us thr. (:

upon reaching thr th atmosphere of th camp was jus great!!!

every team was doing their respective cheers!! WOW! (:

gideon did thr cheer and guess what,

to me it was th best la!!!! hahahha(:

who is th one at th warfront?

whoompa whoompapa

who is th one at th warfront?

whoompa whoompapa

ooh ga ah, oohga oohga ah ah

who you wanna be ar?

gidion warrior

who you wanna be ar

number one!!

go~~~ Gideon!!!

*-clap!- ohssshh (fire)

*gideon warrior's trademark!!

itenary of th day:

1) bacteria game - fun!! (:

2) build th tallest tower using newspaper & masking tape! - gideon came in 2nd! YAY! (:

3) cleared bunk up and settled in

4) painted flag - gideon's flag super nice!! pink was out identity! (:

5) praise & worship! - BEST! (:

6) fast & furious! - gideon onli completed 3stations but still, WELL DONE! (:

7) night session - BEST! God's presense was so strong. fell upon His power 3times. PTL! (:

8) showered, dinner, lights out.

9) 1am in th morning, facilitators woke us up for an unexpected night activity.

almost everyone kena sabo-ed, but jazmin & i was safe! hahaha (:

day TWO!

itenary of th day:

1) PT in th morning - GOOD! (:

2) breakfast then had morning session

3) racing game thng - gideon came in 3rd overall! YAY! (:

4) bidding and cooking game! - FUN! (:

5) waterbomb!! - SUPER DUPER FUN! (:

6) shower then drama prep!!!

7) drama rehearsal! - screwed!

8) dinner and camera, lights, action!

9) drama was good!!! - gideon came in 3rd!! YAY! (:

10) GIDEON WAS TH OVERALL WINNER!!! YAY!!! (:

GIDEON ROCK!!!! YAY!!!! ET BREAKAWAY CAMP ROCK!! YAY!!

"ET breakaway

!ET.. Hey!

ET.. Ho!

ET.. Yea!

ET.. Yo!

*11claps*.... ET!"

it's tym to kiss goodbye!

now dad reali seems as if he can't be bothered wit me at all.

for example; th night i arrived in singapore from korea,

he can't even be bothered to ask if i was okays when i'm coughing reali badly.

but all he did was scolded me for lending my phone to my friend to use in korea.

and then he went on nagging abt my phone bills;

but for what i tink my bills are actuali gg down instead of gg up.

sigh! wat to do, for now they do care abt bro more than me!!

okays, enough of that.

anyways, just now during th late afternoon,

met up wit eunice, fiona at gardens for some kbox kinda thng at "fantasy".

ivan and kenneth came along.

at first it was quite fun and all wit all those out of pitch singing at tyms.

but towards th end of th session, during and after hearing

wang lee hom's kiss goodbye, lots of thoughts & flashbacks hit me.

thoughts of tyms when i say mentioned i wanted to go MIA

and wonders of if i shld actuali put in action wat i mentioned.

i was wondering if it'll just be easy and all if i just didn't even appear at all.

then i would not need to go thru everythng.

but somehow, i do believe that God sent every single one of us onto earth

for a special task & shine for His glory.

however, i can't help but wonder if thr's reali a difference

if i'm present or not ;

cried on th way back home on th bus home & while walking home.

tried hard to hide those tears in but failed.

and now can't slp cos flashbacks came coming back,

thats why decided to come online.

misses.

will be at th airport in 7hours tym.

flight is at 8am.

am i excited? i dunno, maybe yes, maybe no.

yes cos it's th first tym i'm in korea, & i love winter.

no cos nobody will knw what's gonna happen next.

somehow, thr's lots i wanna say to alot of ppl.

but then, when a conversation starts,

it's jus a plain bonvoyage, takecare & goodbye.

thr's still so many thngs i wanna say,

but somethng seems to be preventing me from doing so.

these days, i dunno why?

once night falls or when i'm alone, it's th tym when i tink th most;

and tink things for th worse.

gosh!! this is bad, and this is not gg to bring me anywhr. i dunno.

i'm confused, stuck in a situation i reali wanna get out of!!!

sometym i wonder why i'm showing a facade in front of ppl,

and why am i always acting everythng is fine, when it obviously not.

it's jus wierd having thoughts of th same over and over again.

i don't like it, & i want it out of my brain!!! i can't stand it anymore

-sigh!- howhowhow?

shld i or shld i not call bestfriend now ?

or shld i just go MIA?

memories.

once again, lots of thoughts came upon today;

went school in th morning, handed up stuff and cabbed home.

changed and off to vivo to meet bestfriend.

bought shower gel and body lotion from bodyshop for upcoming korea trip.

walked arnd, and didn't get to buy my toe socks.

abt 1plusl left vivo for pp, to collect bag.

on th trip back to pp, tears that i've been holding back

since th starting of th day start to flow,

& i knew bestfriend was sort of worried and pissed at th same tym.

i didn't knw how to put th reason i cried into words.

i'm reali sorry.

waited for bestfriend to return wit bag at some building as it was raining.

while waiting for bus, i told bestfriend th reason why i cried.

i cried cos, thoughts of th world arnd me changing upon my return from korea,

made me reali afraid and lost at th same tym.

i was reali fearful that everythng will just change when i'm away.

lyk having bestfriend and wife, turning a back at me;

having th CG totally forget that i even exist;

& worst of all, having noone realise that i'm not in SG for th past week,

& tt even if i've reali gone MIA, noone will even realise.

but somehow, i suddenly rmb-ed what bestfriend told me when having lunch

" if you go MIA, i'll call your phone until bao! & if u go MIA, i'm gg to kill u."

it some sort, comforted me in a sense.

& guess what, while playing a fool at th busstop,

and when my bus arrives, i suddenly wanted to hug bestfriend,

but it turned out to be a laughing stock.

saddening right?

for now, i seriously and reali feel lyk hugging someone reali tight.

okays, i'm done!!

ohohoh, i'm leaving for korea in less than 48hours tym.

& i'm starting to miss bestfriend;

i'm starting to miss church!!

cold winter.

i don't want to do what i'm doing now.

my heart aches th moment i speak words i don't wanna say.

i just wanna say thngs my heart reali speaks.

but somehow when i try, it'll fail.

i reali wished to ask those questions,

but whatever thngs that comes out from my mouth seems to be in contradictions.

it's not onli you that miss th old shermagne tang.

i miss it too!!! i want my old self back; i want to be th same as before.

i want to tell you how much i miss those times;

how much i miss those trips to

TP library, AMK library, SK library, AMK hub, TP hub, TP entertainment centre's mac,

Queens ikea, Vivo starbucks, Vivo DIY fix shop, Vivo mart;

those walks from AMK library to AMK hub,

those walks from TP library to TP hub,

those nonsense that were done in th library, TP mac, queens ikea;

those bus rides from TP to serangoon, from AMK to serangoon;

those toastbox treats and those red tea treats from sweet talk;

& most of all i miss those long chats until th wee hours of th morning.

i remembered, once we chatted all th way till 3am in th morning.

i remembered, those tyms when i called you crying and u didn't knw what to do.

i remembered, u wanted to sacrificed your study time just to acc me.

gosh!! thr's so many thngs that i want to do again.

i want an encore!!

tyms when i said i want to go MIA, you were pissed.

at that moment, i wanted to ask you if u knew how tired i were,

trying to please everyone arnd me,

but all i needed was jus a phone call or a simple msg.

i wanted to tell you so many thngs that somehow i just spoke in contradictions.

i dunno why?

all i know is i reali miss th old me. alot.

mayb more than you even knw.

period.

afraid and lost.

today was much of showing off facade.

i was just wondering if thngs were starting to change.

alot.

thr's lots of thngs i want to rant abt;

thr's lots of thngs i want to say & thr's lots of stuff that i wanna ask.

i want to seek advise from bestfriend,

but recently, i just can't seem to bring myself from doing so.

i dunno why? mayb it's just me.

it's just this somethng that is keeping me from doing so.

frankly speaking, i miss my old self.

when everythng is jus "happy-go-lucky" kinda thng ;

but now, i just seem to think alot into situations.

i'm getting sensitive, very.

nobody reali knws what i'm thinking.

sometyms, i feel that i speak in contradictions that noone is aware off.

solitude; somethng that i nvr want to experience.

i dunno why? mayb it's just me being too dependant.

oh God, please help me. help me get rid of those unspoken doubts,

that me myself might not be aware of.

right now, i feel lyk gg to th beach ;

listen to th calm clashing waves, having th cool breeze blow into my face ;

& having me sorting out th sophisicated thoughts

that me myself can't seem to get hold of.

okays, period.

night jogs! (:

hello people!!

i just got back from my night jog wit bro a few moments ago.

it's total shiok-ness man!!! haven't been exercising, so that explains.

ran th estate twice and cool-ed down doing 60 crutches.

trust me, it's shiok!! (:

oh, and one good thng abt night jogs is that

when you're jogging, you're in th dark and no one can see what's ur expression.

it's best when it's drizzling!!!

anyways, enough of night jogging.

early morning had LTC meeting in school, and almost couldn't wake up.

but thank God i made it thr on tym! (:

normal routine; discussion, presentation and de-briefing.

& then was dismissed.

was suppose to meet bestfriend for breakfast but yeah, in th end didn't.

so waited for lijie to finish her banner stuff then walk wit her go CP.

it was then 11plus alrdy. by th tym i reached home it was nearly 12.

so quickly go bathe and changed and ran to mason's place

since CG starts at 12.15 !!!

for wat i think, CG was best today as it sets me to think abt my own life and all.

5 obstacles which prevents you to have a Breakthrough

1) past bondages

2) present hesistation

3) fear for th future

4) temptation

5) lack of resources

th CG today made me think of lots of stuff, and when jared asked to reflect;

flashbacks came back and then i realise lyk before i was in doubts;

i haven't let go of histories tt happened long long tym ago.

& that leads to having present hesistation, when i questioned myself,

why do i always have thoughts of God foretting abt me,

& leaving me all alone during th lowest point of tym;

why wasn't my prayers answered?

& this led to fear of th future;

deep down inside me, i knw that my faith in God wasn't as strong as when i first

joined church. and this made me questioned myself, what had happened?

it is obviously my problem and not God.

& once again, th words of jared touched my heart when he mentioned

that once we engage in th holy spirit

& obeys what th holy spirit nudges you to do,

it is when you'll see yourself growing in th spiritual mirror. ( 2 corinthians 3:18)

overall, CG was awesome today!! (:

however, on th way to TP in bus 153, flashbacks came back;

and therefore started tearing in th bus.

at tt moment, i was sort of angry wit myself.

cos why? cos at that moment, i felt lyk calling bestfriend to rant;

but i didn't. cos i knew one day i had to stand on my own.

it's lyk wat jared preaches before,

if one day, thr is no one left to encourage you, you've to learn to encourage urself.

soyeah, though today was a day when many thoughts was encountered;

much tears was lost;

but finally as for today, i know i love God more than ytd & than history.

ALLELUIA! PRAISE THE LORD!!! (:

pointless.

life since pointless at this point of tym. seriously, and thats period.
i tink i should just isolate myself from this world,
and onli do thngs that i need to do.
it's lyk th whole world has it's back on me,
and reali i jus find it pointless.
at th lowest point of tym, when thngs just don't go right.
and tears and crying seemms to be th onli solution.
when thngs go wrong, i reali wish i could turn to someone
who will listen, someone who will understand what i'm gg thru.
i reali wish i would have someone i could run up crying
and pour out every single worries and doubts i have.
but who? everyone seems to be speaking in contradictions.
sometyms i wonder if does it even matter if an accident occurs?
does it even matter if i just suddenly went MIA?
do people even realise that i'm missing?
and answers from th ppl arnd me just made me understands & find th solutions
to th many doubts. does it reali matter that much?
maybe it's just me,
but it just hurts so much when ppl close to your heart,
say thngs that you never ever want to hear from them.
and a simple conclusion has derived.
" you don't make a difference, and whatever you've done will nvr be enough.
you just have to accept thngs as it is,
and in your life. it is onli you, and youstand in solitude."
period, i'll be gg on hiatus.

rainy.

updates!


SATURDAY; 101107
woke up finding th hse empty,
and therefore decided to slp a lil longer.
arnd 1215, left home for cg at mason place.
cg started off wit a short prayer meeting.
we prayed for jared, we prayed for th arise and build.
overall, cg meeting was still alright.
after that, went punggol cc to play badminton,
and left arnd 5plus6.


SUNDAY; 111107
dad don't allow me to attend service,
and that i was pretty upset.
in th afternoon went to queensway to buy my shoe,
and finally gotten a pair of adidas original!!
thanks mum!! (: returned home, finding not a meaning to do anythng.
slept thru late afternoon till night,
waking up feeling hungry.
thr wasn't any food, and no one was at home.
switched on th television, watched fantastic4,
and finally mum and aunt returned home.
continued watching th noose, and it was damn funny. (:
used th com till abt 11plus,
and decided it was tym to slp, and then i walked into my room.
lying on th bed; i just couldn't fall aslp.
thoughts of th past week came into mind,
and questions i asked God, why was it unfair to me?
why me? why me? why me?
i just don't get it. why i got treated in a manner,
a total opposite from what i've given in.
i just don't get it, and i continued to question.
tears of doubt, tears of fear, tears of guiltiness just flowed.
i couldn't stop, flashbacks appears.
then i thought of why didn't i have th courage to pray during cg on saturday.
i knew i had lots to say, i knew i had lots to pray for.
but it's th fear thats inside me stopping me from doing so.
then i started to question God again.
" why Lord, why didn't you give th courage? i knew i needed to pray,
but i just didn't dare to."
as i continue tearing, i prayed even harder.
i needed a breakthrough, that will bring my spiritual life to a higher level.
and once again, th tiny voice inside spoke:
" 72hours. this lil sacrifice will in turn make u realise that God is real.
and God loves you no matter wat happens. you just have to rmb,
your world does not framed arnd what ppl say but by th words of th holy.
behold, God do not send you out to this world for nothing.
but for somethng so special. patience. "
somehow, these words stop my tears from flowing.
i could not slp th entire night,

thoughts just kept coming back.

fasting. praying.

emotions.

hello world!!!!
suddenly, i've got th random thoughts.
& th word friendship came into my mind ;
friendship, one of th most impt in my life.
having friendship forged between 2individuals,
is lyk being in a relationship, but a lasting one.
being th same of being in a r/s, applies in friendships, it needs 2 hands to clap.
what's th point of having a friend who is always recieving and not giving;
being tolerated and not tolerant;
being consoled and not consoling;
somehow, flashbacks came back after a small chat wit wife in th afternoon.
and thinking of th friendships i had and have,
i reali thank God for th many different friends that i met.
though sometyms, i do have my question marks.
it's lyk having putting in so much effort but in return? disappointments.
thinking again, ppl do come and go.
but i reali Thank God for friends lyk wife and bestfriend ;
& reali Thank God for those disappointments.
it's kinda wierd u might find, why i thank God for those disappointing friendships?
for them, i believe it's sent by God as a chance for me to improve myself.
it's a chance for me to improve my patience, since i'm not a very pratient person.
& as for wife and bestfriend,
it's just th tiny wini lil thngs that they do,
that reali touch my heart even during my lowest point of tym.
so in short, friendship to me is lyk an invisible bondage between 2 individuals.
it's seriously up to oneself th path and choice that you wanna take.
to end off ;
"Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain."

- phillipians 2: 14-16

G6 is over!!

heyheys people!!

actuali thr's lots for me to update but i'm sort of lazy,

soyeah, i shall do th updating some other tym.

but for now, shall update abt today!!

woke up real early to study for G6 theory exam which starts at 1400hrs.

studied for lyk abt 2hours,

then started doing david's and dannon's bday card.

used spray paint, and now my room sort of smell lyk it,

guess it will be better after a few more sprays of air freshener.

okays, then arnd 12plus, left home for tiong bahru.

and guess what, i lost my way!!!

i just couldn't find " PSB academy" when i stepped out of th mrt.

and smart sher, followed th crowd and manage to find my way thr.

hahaha :DDDDDDD

wasn't reali nervous before th exam

and reali thank God for th peace and everythng before th exam started.

and once th clock strike 1400, th 3hours paper started.

not bad i guess, th paper was manageable.

thank God for that too!!! :DDDDDDDDDD

finished paper 2hours ltr and started checking and redo-ing some of th questions.

handed up script and left exam room at 1630hrs.

gosh!!!

and thank God th paper is over!!!

and some how i could see myself getting a merit for th paper!!

ALLELUIA!! PRAISE THE LORD!! (:

random-ness.

emotions of th day : -

i wonder what's my imporatance?

or is there even an importance.

what would happen if something happens to me,

will things be the same as the individual will recieve? ;

left alone after just a simple word from an individual.

feelings of useless-ness filled my mind.

facades after faceades.

do i deserve all this?

or things i do is just not enough to be made compared to any other individuals.

useless. the word just kepy coming back.

& maybe that is what it is.

situations after situations.

is it for real?

or is it just me?

being just too dependant;

jest being too ordinary;

just being left un-noticed.

nobody really cares do they?

i doubt so.

high content.

high content of photos. so shall let th pictures do th talking!! (:

17 october 2007

happy 15th to sher_tang!! (:

down to town wit vanessa, yilin and my beloved wife!
at far east.

19 october 2007

surprised by beloved friends: debbie & huiwen.

celebrated eunice's and sher_tang's bday at pizza hut.

sher_tang & debbie (:

debbie wit th bday girls! (:
sisters of W212! (:

hawaiian!! (:

hawaiian and pepperoni!! (:
foursome!!! <3

& then they bought dhougnuts for our bday! (:
in conclusion; W212 th cg to be in! <3

hongkong.

didn't go school today,

and sent parents off to th airport early in th morning.

gosh!! parents will be away until sunday night,

and thr's noone at home except me myself and tina.

okays, anyways was at home practically th whole day today.

left home to send parents off at 630am

and they entered th gates at 745am.

and yeah, after that was alone and lots ran thru my mind.

tinking of questions that have been harping me for weeks.

train-ed to ICA building to make IC just to find out that

i didn't bring along my birth cert wit me.

so called aunt to bring it down for me and honestly,

i feel th waiting tym of a total of 1.5 hours quite worth it and fruitful.

was thinking thru lots of stuff and just felt lyk praying.

so i found myself a quiet corner, settle-ed down,

switched songs that i'm listening to, to worship songs;

took out a piece of paper, wrote all i was feeling down;

folded it into a heart and started praying.

i prayed so hard that during this tym, God would reali come speak to me.

and tell me what to do; tell me what is right to do.

& i prayed that God wld take away all those unspoken burdens.

i prayed and prayed,

& i heard this inner voice telling me,

"thr's nth to worry abt. it doesn't matter what ppl are thinking,

you just have to reali trust that what reali matters is what God thinks.

th issues of ur heart, God knws it all. and now it is a test of faith. th test of how

much faith you have in Him. are you willing to carry your cross and

follow him?"

th voice was just so clear,

and from that moment i prayed

that God would renew my heart; renew my everythng wit his love.

and from that moment, i knew i was renew-ed.

and from that moment, i made a promise to God,

that whatever happens i'll sure put Him first in my life.

and letting him take control of everythng that is happening to me.

ALLELUIA! PRAISE TH LORD!

late night.

somehow, i feel confuesed.

sometyms i feel sad for reasons that i'm not sure abt.

and i'll just go crazy over th slight-liest thng th nxt moment.

okays, i'm wierd. period (:

oh i wrote this on th journey back home a few hours ago -

trains pass by just like past tense.

& whatever happens, happens like trains passing by.

looking back is not a point;

looking forward is something too far ahead.

past tense can't be present tense

& that can't be changed.

feelings is something explainable

but something unchangable.

so what's the point of harping on something that is unchangable?

althought present tense is what you're living in,

but past tense is what you're living for.

living in; living for.

two different times that you're adapting.

can you take it ?

breaking down is not a point

but keeping in is not bearable.

end result?

just the same.

okays, i'm out!

ciao! :DDDDDDDD

15hours of slp!

hello people!!! :DDDDDDDDD

EOY are over and it's time to shout for joy!!

say YAY wit me!!! :DDDDDDDD

hahahha :DDDDDDDDD

okays, anyways didn't go school today cos

needa catch up wit my slp!!

and guess wat, i reali did and slept for 15 hours.

gosh!!! haven' t done that for a very very long tym.

soyeah, stayed at home today cos wasn't reali in th mood to go out.

anyways, i'll try to update more for th nxt couple of wks yeah?

cos' schedule will be quite pack since thr's lots of upcoming camps.

lots of planning to do and co-ordinating.

lets see.......

humanities camp coming up starting on th 26th.

choir camp will be early november; dates not confirm.

humanities trip to korea; departing 22nd november.

church camp 1st week of december.

and many many many other more activities

not forgetting th extra lessons in school.

ohgosh, busy man.

hahahah :DDDDDDD

but no worries, i won't forget to have fun wit my girls!!

hols haven't started, but we'll be heading to town on tues!!!!

YAYAY!!!!! (:

panda's! (:

hello world!!! :DDDDDD

amaths is tmr and it's my last paper of EOY!!!

say YAY man!!! hahahahha (:

have been very worned out lately,

partly due to th very long study hours that i clogged everyday;

and th many late nights almost everyday.

gosh!! wat i need now is a really good slp after amaths paper.

hahahhah :DDDDDDDD

shall just enjoy now and start to buck up for my coming

grade6 papers which is on 3rd november.

and it's only a few weeks away.

have been praying so hard that i will be able to achieve th 50pounds!!

ARH!! i want my distinction!!!! :DDDDDDDD

okays anyways, updates on th past few papers that i've completed.

firstly, english was okays i guess except paper 2.

secondly, chinese was okays i guess except for paper 2 too.

thirdly, social studies and emaths paper 1.

social studies was okays overall for me, but i'm a lil worried,

cos' a lot of them actuali wrote much more as compared to me.

emaths paper1 was easy except some questions whr i got mental block.

fourthly, physics and literature.

physics was a killer; not only to me but to many others. no elaboration (:

literature was okays, and i hope it'll help pull

my combined humanities marks up a lil.

fifthly, chemistry and o's theory paper.

chemistry was okays except for section C,

cos th method that i state as my answer was different from others.

o's theory was okays i guess, though paper 1 was a lil tough.

sixly, emaths paper 2 and geog paper 2.

emaths paper 2 was a killer, i almost died from th paper okays. haha (:

geog paper 2 was okays, but yeah some point of tym i still got mental block.

seventhly, geog paper 1.

it was okays in general, but i totally screwed map work;

which for once i totally don't know how to do th question asked.

okays, and tmr is amaths. GOSH!

soyeah, wish me luck and keep me in prayers yeah?

hahaha :DDDDDDDDDDD

ciao people! (:

screw-ed.

hello people!! :DDDDDDDD

yesyes, i knw at this timing i shld be studying and all.

but yeah, i'm feeling a mix-ed kind of feeling now

and i can't seem to concentrate.

i need to rant to someone reali badly,

but apparently i can't seem to find anyone i could talk to.

tear-ed a few moments ago when i hung up th phone.

it's just heartbreaking hearing a close friend feeling terrible;

having a close friend feeling going under depression.

it's just an unspoken kind of solace when it's kind of heartbreaking.

thr's nth i can do to help

since whatever that need to be said,

has alrdy been said and somewhat, it just don't seem to help.

it's lyk wondering if my existance reali matters.

jus feel terrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARH! how man?

and now i'm feeling lyk as if i'm kind of useless in whatever i'm doing.

i've been trying my best to do th best i know how,

but everythng jus does not seems to go right at all?

Oh Lord, i reali pray you'll give me th strength and wisdom.

i reali need them. need them reali badly.

breaking th hiatus.

hello people! :DDDDDDDD

i know i know, i'm on a hiatus and i'm not suppose to blog

but to be spending time wit my books.

but somehow, i jus needa break th hiatus!!!

hahahah :DDDDDDD

anyways, i'm feeling reali stressed up.

thinking back upon those study hours that i've clogged

i just wonder if all that i've studied reali got into my head.

th first paper of EOY has started,

and th nxt is this coming wednesday!!

gosh!! then wld be ss and emaths on thursday.

i'm seriously feeling th stress and all!!

peer pressure, parents pressure, teacher pressure, self expectations.

everythng is jus starting to build up.

and th worse is tt when thngs arnd starts

to happen jus so quickly that you can hardly catch a breather.

tyms when i'm feeling lost; staring out into th blanks.

and hoping that as thngs goes by every now and then,

everythng wld jus become better, and thoughts won't go wild.

somehow, i feel reali down at tyms when i find it hard to

express what i'm reali feeling, and that nobody reali knws anythng.

but life just have to move on i guess.

cos' i'm happy that i'm in th reign of th Almighty,

and thru this period of tym when i'm saffocating,

i knw He's always thr and He cares for me.

everytym i rant it out on Him, i knw He'll listen

and somehow show me th way, and light up th path i shld take.

" delight yourself also in the Lord,

and He shall give you the desires of your heart." - Psalm 37:4

hiatus.

hello world! :DDDDDDD

i'm gg on a mini hiatus all th way until my EOY is over.

i'm onli left wit 19 more days to my main paper which is geog and emaths.

english is on th 28sept. 3rd oct is chi.

so yeah, updates!!

Sunday; 090907

went for bs in th morning then followed by service.

service was good.

th speaker, nick vujivic was inspiring and trust me he's reali cute!

check this web out: http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

anyways, after service went clark quay to fellowship

but somehow, halfway thru i wasn't reali in th mood.

oh then waited for eunice and kenneth's bs to finish

then we headed to hg point to study.

for some results i wasn't feeling reali good and stuff

soyeah, when sheck called i some sort broke down.

and i love huiwen okays! ahhahah :DDDDDDDDDD

thanks girl! (:

Monday; 100907

school was as per normal,

then went nv to have o's music lyk i always did.

lesson ended near 7 and by then i was super duper tired.

thank God that dad was arnd that area! (:

Tuesday; 110907

school was as per normal.

was suppose to have pm wit dannon and th rest

but was cancelled in th end.

was kinda down cos yeah, have been waiting for pm for very long.

soyeah, didn't feel lyk gg home,

so stayed in school to mug wit kim.

went home at arnd 5.

reache home banged th piano cos' was feeling a lil stress la.

haiz. EOY is coming who's not stress?

Wednesday; 120907

thank God cca was cancelled cos' i need to mug!

ARH! soyeah, cca was cancelled at th very last minute

and sheck and i was some what delighted.

after school headed to vivo to study wit kenneth.

as usual study session wasn't that productive, cos' we ended up chatting.

hahahah :DDDDDDDDD

but day was quite fun at th DIY shop

playing wit th kid's ball thng and dirtying th bear that was on display.

hahhah :DDDDDDDD

train-ed back to serangoon 315-ed home,

while kenneth headed to his grandparent's house. (:

Thursday; 130907

i love amaths!!! i'm falling in love wit amaths everyday!!!

hahhaha :DDDDDDDD

reali wanna thank God for everythng man.

thank God that i was able to do th amaths test wit much confidence

that i'm sure that i'll be able to pass this test.

oh praise th Lord.

after amaths, headed home changed then went kovan mac.

studied wit kenneth.

but this tym round, it was productive.

i was concentrating on my goeg, and he, his physics.

studied until arnd 9 then left to buy his dinner

and my blueberry waffle!!! (:

reached home arnd 945 and slept!

okays, thats all for updates! see you guys in 3weeks tym?

i'm off for bs wit eugene!

bye!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

amaths!!

hello world!!! :DDDDDDDD

for some reason i'm reali happy today!!

i oso dunno why la. hahaha :DDDDDDDD

anyways, i woke up at 12 noon today after soooooo long!!!

love it man. super shiok!!!! (:

and due to me waking up late, didn't meet deb and trena for study session.

slack arnd at home until i felt lyk moving,

then packed and headed to lav hse for amaths tuition.

her teaching reali super man!

can u imagine that sherman tang is able to understand amaths

in such a short period of time!!!

hahahah :DDDDD YAY!!!!!!

all thanks to lav th super patient teacher.

anyways, then slacked arnd for awhile, snapped some

super retarded photo of both myself and lav's.

hahaha :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

i love you lav!!! <3333333

then 153-ed to hg to meet deb and trena for dinner.

reali miss both of them man.

had a reali long chat wit them though dinner

and yes i still love my girls lots man!! <3

headed home a arnd 7plus and was suppose to meet kenneth,

but yeah in th end didn't.

and now i'm still in th mist of finishing my theory papers.

got 2 yrs paper to complete by tmr!!

ARH!! how???

hahahha :DDDDDDDDDDD

okays, ciao ppl!! (:

better day than ytd.

today is so much of a better day than ytd,

and i wanna thank God for it. :DDDDDD

anyways, reported to school as early as 8 today.

then went to do some wellness check up thng ,

and that cause me to miss amaths lesson okays.

butyeah, i reali thank God that lav is tutoring me on

what ms ong went thru in class today.

hahaha :DDDDDDD

everythng ended arnd almos 12, then bus-ed home.

slept, and kenneth's call woke me up can!

told me that his tuition cancelled, so can meet up earlier.

soyeah, washed up; packed my stuff and headed off to kovan mac.

reached thr earlier than expected couldn't find place,

oh and saw charmaine, joanne, joycelyn and her friend thr.

chit-chatted for ahwile, and finally got place to seat le.

soyeah, was th table beside joycelyn and her friend can!

hahah :DDDDDDDDD

soyeah, kenneth reached soon after and started studying.

i did amaths, and he did english and physics.

study study, then study half way started chatting.

th mini heart talk wasn't that bad i guess.

very comforting when u actuali found someone to talk and

understand how u feel man.

thanks kenneth!! hahahahah :DDDDDDDDDD

then arnd 5plus6, headed off to ps to meet tian and th rest.

went arcade see them play play

then headed to have dinner at kopitiam thr.

after that went yamaha to see my "love" since 2years.

that C5 grandpiano that i always wanted cost $43,800.00

ARH!!! anyone kind enough to get me one?

hahahhaha :DDDDDDDDD

anyways, then started random-ing on th keyboard lyk i always do.

th tune sounded not bad i guess;

expressed how i was actuali feeling at that moment. (:

soyeah, then eunice, fiona, dannon and kenneth

keep on taking books from th shelf and ask me play lo.

make me feel so lyk piano performer.

hahahah :DDDDDDDDD

not bad eh, th feeling of being able to hit bk to piano after so long .

then headed home after that wit th rest. :DDDDDDDD

to love: heys, cheer up okays? must always rmb that God loves you,

and i love you too! hope that my prayers did make u feel better after we hanged up.

anythng, jus give me a call okays? my hp 24/7 on!! :DDDDD

irritations. tolerance.

hello people!

thr's this somethng that i jus need to get off my chest.

so just bear wit me for awhile.

okays, i'm just not myself this few days.

or shld i say weeks? ARH!!

i'll just get irritated by almos every single thng,

and i seriously don't know wat's gg on.

i've been trying to be as normal as myself but it doesn't seem to work.

i seriously don't know what's wrong wit me!

i want to tell someone, but i can't.

it seems lyk somethng is holding me back whenever i want to do so.

i jus can't stand myself.

everytym when i act everythng is normal,

it jus doesn't seem that way.

ohgosh! wat's happening to me?

i can't stand it! i can't stand myself!!!!!

i need to talk to PERSON, but i can't.

i seriously don't know what's happening?

i feel lyk crying it out, but somethng is stopping me from doing so.

i feel lyk screaming my lungs out,

but somethng is stopping me from doing so.

when i do my QT, i always end up ranting to God

and praying that He'll take away all my unspoken worries;

all my unspoken burdens; all my unknown troubles that have

been harping me for th past few weeks.

i'll listen to PnW songs everytym i couldn't slp,

and end up crying myself to slp.

this must stop!

i'm breaking down soon, but i can't seem to tell anyone.

i want to call PERSON! but i can't.

oh God, pls show me a vision, pls give me th wisdom of wat to do.

i can't stand it anymore.

i don't want to put on a facade in front of my friends.

i want to be th same me again.