i think i can still wait

i miss those girls, lyk i haven't seen them in ages! :<

okayy, so life's pretty much th same recently except for th face tht these few days have been lyk a love-hate relationship kinda thngy between you and me. must really apologized for being a bitch though, saying th wrong things at th wrong tym, and saying things that i know i'll never mean it. i'm really sorry :<

1 week has passed ever since sch has started, and it has all been well. handed in assignments on time and whatsoever; public speaking speech was okayy, but i nearly teared in th midst of it. guess, i haven't really gotten over what has happened last december. ohwells,

ohohoh, and recently idk why but i just don't lyk to be in crowded areas. i will feel unwell wit too many people around, and th voices around me will tend to muffle with th overlapping of different voices. what i feel is lyk as if in those movies, whereby everything around you pauses and you just need time to yourself kinda thing. it is only recently tht i felt this way, seriously.

but, i'm really tired. and i'm sick of being tired alrdy. i think thr's something seriously wrong wit me. it's either i'm really changing dratically or things arnd me are changing and i can't keep up wit tym. i can't exactly say i'm numbed by th pain, th heartaches and whatsoever. cos every now and then, i feel th hole in chest churning so bad, tht sometyms i literally scream th pain off in my pillow then drift off to slp. thts why, somehow i'm really thankful for th sunburnt, cos i can feel th pain off my skin. and tht's lyk one of th few tyms i can express th pain so openly. i want to run away, away to a foreign land. whereby thr's no emotions, no friends. somewhr near th beach, hearing th waves makes me feel calm. but well, when reality hits - there's no turning back.

yes, that's exactly what i feel lyk doing now - just lying down on a patch of green, enjoying th sunset or just th pure starry sky! with no thoughts running through my mind; just want a relax moment, without any spiltting headaches.

; just got back from salvo camp ytd. to round up th camp, i think th camp was fun. though throughout th whole camp, i must confess tht i've got th i don't want to be involve in anything kind of mood. dk why also, lyk just wanted to blend into th picture, and tht's tht. ohwells, but i'm glad tht somehow i did put in th effort to you knw, show tht i was excited and all. think it's th tiredness i suppose, cos haven't been having sufficient rest recently. so sorry abt it yo! :/ and i can sort of feel tht th seniors are sort of bonded more? lyk we are more of a big grp now than having small grps everywhr kinda thng (Y)

; went back for training today, didn't stay throughout though. left at arnd 4plus wit L, cos both of us were working at 5. but but but, training was good! though got some parts of it, i was really lost. lyk couldn't grab what was taught by M and whatsoever. keep playing wrongly, turning at th wrong timing. so, i really need to practice practice practice!!!!!!!!

; work today was okayyyy, kinda slack cos it was a typical thursday evening. going down to help out for opening tmr before going to meet th rest of class at vivo for SENTOSA! can't wait, i'm going to slp and suntan at th same tym. this tym round, i'm really going to plug-in, set alarm, lie thr and suntan and slp! damn tiring, best tym to slp alrdy. so people, don't disturb me tmr okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! oh, and i'm meeting J and LJ tmr for dinner. it has been ages since i last saw LJ! (Y)

went down to watch zingo's combine performance at esplanade wit a bunch of noisy, crazy and fun group of ppl sometym recently. th performance lasted for abt 30mins, cos it was part of th singapore art's festival thngy. headed down to geylang for tauhuey wit a few of them before heading home together wit E,JY and JM. reached home kinda late, and i'm totally zonked out.

day 1 of freedom; pun intended! :>

okayy well, paper's pretty screwed for me today. but i think it's okayy, cos retail therepy makes me a happy girl today! :> and most importantly, day out wit gf is th best! :> lil updates here and there, and alot of things tht she shared made me think of you, and tht's very bad, very bad indeed. but ohwells, what was done cannot be undone, and can only be kept tht way. okayy, enough of those emo stuff.

shopping was very productive for us today, gf got herself a pair of shoe from newlook; i got 1 top from f21, 1 top from pull&bear, 1bottom from CO, 1 pair of shoe from newlook! (Y) spent lyk alot of money today, cos payday was just a few days back! HAHA! & upon reaching home, mummy asked me "你今天中马票是不是?" damn funny.

&&& we took a couple of nice photos today, and really felt lyk 2 small kids going out tgt. and taking photo at th fountain lyk as if we were tourists, but. it was fun! really! :> dk when will be nxt tym i'm going to see her, but it's okayy. th 9years of friendship tht we have, aren't shallow but really deep! :>

from th moment i sent tht txt, i think i've alrdy made a decision. to let go and move on wit th life i've now. but well, it's easier said than done. really. as i'm typing this down, i'm actually having tears at th brink of my eyes. idk what i'm crying for; like am i feeling sad cos i've lost sth really dear to me, sth tht i really held close to my heart for. and now it's gone.

somehow i'm glad i told you how i felt, but i actually did expect at least a reply from you, which i didn't. little did you knw tht when i type those words down, it sting me so bad tht i really feel lyk banging my head against th wall, and mayb i might just suffer a brain concussion. from tht, i can just forget abt everything tht has happened. i've told some close friends tht i've been thru th worst, and thr's nth more heart wrenching than tht. losing a guy is nvr as painful as losing a parent. th pain of losing a guy is just temporary and th feeling you've for tht guy will just fade off by time; wheras losing a parent is pain for a lifetime.

but what i'm feeling is tht, i'm getting a blow almost sequentially. th first blow in decemeber and another in april. my, it has been 6mths and 2mths respectively, and tht really sucks. sometimes i think so much, i start to hear voices in my head, so loud tht i just want to scream and tell them to shut th hell up. all those are making me annoyed wit me, myself and i.

like, what th fuck is wrong wit me.

it felt good chatting wit you, again. but now as a friend. i did not regret txt-ing you tht simple txt, and from thr we just continue-d on. and for tht, it meant alot to me. th air is cleared up abit, and thinking back. i think i was th one who is putting in too much of an iniative. once again, i'm sorry. but well, though things are changing for th better. i can't foresee tht we're meeting up any time soon also. your mp is starting soon, and tht means you'll only be free during th weekends. well, we'll see how then! :>

over to study at K's hse today, quite productive i must say. lyk we really stayed at our own table, and nvr talk. lyk just pure studying only. until i think both of us study until abit tired and all we started going abit high. lyk replying txt-s of each other phone. lyk she read my txt then use my phone reply, i read her txt and use her phone reply. and vice versa! so funny, made me laugh lyk mad! i'm going over to stay on monday before th stayover camp in sch on tues, wit SJ i think. YAY! can't wait!:>

okayy, i think i should hit th sack now. damn sleepy alrdy! going to slp to my fill, and wake up on time to go for MCT paper. goodnight people! :>