♥ EXPRESSION-LESS!

my 10-fingernails has three different colours! of which 2 look similar! ♥

this shall be a very random post okay? there will not be any updates abt what happened today or what i did today! - totally nth of tht sort alright. and pls pardon th emo-ness, cos as stated th few previous posts, tht i'm currently living in my 20%. for those who dk. i spend 80% of my tym laughing/being crazy. th other 20% wld be those emo-shit tht i knw i shldn't let myself feel. but emotions being emotions, i'll just let it run wild once again. and it'll be once and for all. i'm so sorry, this is just th other side of me.

alrights, this post shall officially start here, right now! ;

all this tht i'm feeling right now, i knw it's just one-sided. cos th other party will be fully unaware of it unless i make it known to him/her. i really felt my heart sank to th bottom th very moment i saw what i saw. idk what got into me, cos it nvr did occur to me tht thngs could be this complicated until tht very night, whereby i was just randomly browsing thru some thngs. it didn't occur to me tht i was actuali this deep into th hole, until it hit me so hard, tht i literally felt sad and was left speechless/expression-less. i just had one straight face. i seriously feel tht i'm kinda stupid to actuali think so deep into th matter. cos afterall, it might just be me tht is initiating and expecting so much more. thr am i advising ppl tht we shld all knw and manage our expectation well. but here am i expecting so much, yet knw-ing and knw-ing tht i was just reading too much into it. how dumb can a person go. i really wonder.

it has been kinda long ever since i felt this heaviness tht i'm feeling right now. my heart is really heavy. thinking back, isn't it just obvious and a general knowledge thng tht anyone, just anyone will be this nice and all. nvr did it cross my mind tht it happens to anyone - siblings. th greater th expectation, th greater/harder th impact of th fall will be. i find myself quite dumb coming out wit all those plans thngy to make sure tht i stop what i'm doing; i find myself quite stupid holding on to th hp, waiting lyk a fool, having in mind what to expect for ; i find myself quite an idiot waiting up till th wee hours, knowing tht what i wish-ed for wld nvr happen. but it's always at tht brink of moment, when i tell myself i shld stop being foolish, tht you came knocking.

mayb this tym round, i was really willing to give it a shot. but i knw, i'll nvr be good enough. cos thr's someone out thr, tht i feel tht you've alrdy have tht someone in mind. i think right now, all i can do is do what i always do. being tht crazy.happy.always laughing.always high to th max. kinda person tht you knw. i knw i can do it. and th feeling tht i'm feeling right now, will just fade away over tym. then my full 80% will come back!