♥ LONG-DAY!

sher累了!

today was a long day for me though school officially ends at 12pm. cousin stanley and his family arrived in singapore this afternoon, and was wit them all th way from 2plus until lyk kinda late. just reached home not long ago. really tiring to be walking walking and more walking just around town, when a matter of fact is tht i don't really knw how to converse wit them. ohwells, had wanton mee and vietnamese food today. and i'm so sorry C for ps-ing you way before you reach airport. really really sorry.

anyways, justa few days back i came about th realisation abt some stuff and i'm here to rant it out. but after reading, please don't ask me anything. cos i don't think, i'll tell anyone abt it plus, if th person that i'm referring here reads it, i don't think he/she will even knw that i'm talking about him/her. cos sher being sher; is very good in keeping and covering emotions! ;

th ranting shall start now;

i guess as much this will happen from th moment i decided to once again rekindle this thought inside me. cos at least thr was a glimpse of hope here and there. and having th thought in mind that, mere contact was more than enough to bring me through th day. but later, i found myself falling deeper into it. and i start to question myself if this is what i really want. and mayb i was just not good enough. cos comparing my assumptions, i was nowhere nearby.

and i guess right now, i'm tired of making excuses to make myself feel better. cos th feeling sucks lyk mad. lyk totally to th max. i want to try to isolate myself from th entire situation tht only i am aware of, but on th other hand. i can't bring myself to. and this i have to be honest to myself. i can't let this cycle of self-decieve-ing go on and it seems lyk no end. i can't see whr i'm leading myself to. i hate to admit tht i'm kinda lost now. one part of me is telling me to just move on; act as if i'm totally comfortable. but th other part of me is telling me to just hold on to it; cos there might be a finishing line to it.

confuse-d. idk what to do. idk who to talk to. i've attempted those countless long busrides, that allow myself to do some serious deep thinking; but it don't seem to work anymore. somehow, i feel tht there will be a day whereby you'll come straight to my face and tell me to shut th hell up. and just mind my own business; and not to be a try-hard tht you dislike. i'm trying to shut myself up to. it's lyk, i even tried to isolate myself from th hp. lyk just totally ignore. but there's always this weird feeling. idk why. me myself oso dk. and this suck even more. not knowing yourself. so much for self-assurance.

i'm starting to wonder if i practice what i preach. it's lyk i'm giving advices to people who situation i'm in before, but i'm not doing it. sometyms, i feel lyk giving myself a super hard tight-slap across th face, to wake myself up. cos it's seriously tym for me to clear up this big mess tht i've gotten myself into.