fourth day.

today's th fourth day tht th truth came upon light, and i'm still feeling a little empty. thr were moments i wanted to contact you so badly, but i just had to control myself and repeatedly tell myself tht what was before has officially ended. " no, i didn't. i treated you as a friend." this sentence haunts me so much, that it's even worse than a drug addict in rehabilitation. it has been ringing in my ears for th past 4days, tht sometyms th tears are uncontrollable, till crying to bed will soon become a habit forged. and for now, i'm trying to play pretend at my very best. what ppl see, will be a girl tht laughs alot, talks alot and is happy with th life she is in.

"she felt her own isolation acutely, the figures in the bar joined by a common purpose, the people moving arnd her on the sidewalk drawn along the lines of their lives to places she could not even imagine."

just today, while on the way to th zoo for c's outing wit th rest; th bus drove past th crematory place. thr was a sudden gush of emotions - so strong, i couldn't hold back my tears. flash images of what happened back then in december, makes me feel really sad. just few more mths, and it'll be daddy's death anniversary. i haven't totally accepted th fact that he's alrdy left us, and what we had of him were just memories of th past. i really want to ask daddy, how is he right now; i miss him. alot.

such issues, brings me back to th word life - what is it, & why am i living and experiencing all these that i'm going thru now? lyk what F said, thr's earth thr's human. if earth did not exist, what are we? during th dinosaur's era, we were borned yet, but what were we?

i want to run to a faraway place, so badly.