hypothesis.

today's th 13th day, tomorrow marks 2 weeks. and 2weeks later, it'll be a mth.

things are pretty much th same for th past 2weeks. just that hp seems a lil quieter than usual, cos i'm kinda lazy to reply txt. and somehow or rather, i would really prefer myself to alone ; away from th crowd or shld say away from ppl. mayb it's lyk what Q say " you're tired. tired from showing ppl how happy you are, when in fact you are not. you just want to be away, and be yourself." ohwells, things will change for th better i hope. i don't want to stay in th cacoon i am in for too long!

"it doesn't matter. It's ancient history. But I was awake last night too. I have the same kind of feeling; something's changing. It's funny how things seem different, suddenly. This morning, i found myself staring at the light coming on the kitchen window - it made a long rectangle on the floor, and the shadows of new leaves were moving in it, making all their patterns. Such simple thing, but it was beautiful."

two weeks later, i'll be flying off to korea wit mp alrdy! can't wait, can't wait, can't wait. finally, a break from everything to a foreign land, whereby i can totally be myself! :> but i want to get a few things before i fly! i want to get tht blue bagpack, a new note book, tht grey-ish jacket thngy, those 3 novels i browsed thru while waiting for mp th other day! ohmy, why payday seems so far away when it's only 4days away! :(

oh, and i painted my nails blue for this week! (Y)

fourth day.

today's th fourth day tht th truth came upon light, and i'm still feeling a little empty. thr were moments i wanted to contact you so badly, but i just had to control myself and repeatedly tell myself tht what was before has officially ended. " no, i didn't. i treated you as a friend." this sentence haunts me so much, that it's even worse than a drug addict in rehabilitation. it has been ringing in my ears for th past 4days, tht sometyms th tears are uncontrollable, till crying to bed will soon become a habit forged. and for now, i'm trying to play pretend at my very best. what ppl see, will be a girl tht laughs alot, talks alot and is happy with th life she is in.

"she felt her own isolation acutely, the figures in the bar joined by a common purpose, the people moving arnd her on the sidewalk drawn along the lines of their lives to places she could not even imagine."

just today, while on the way to th zoo for c's outing wit th rest; th bus drove past th crematory place. thr was a sudden gush of emotions - so strong, i couldn't hold back my tears. flash images of what happened back then in december, makes me feel really sad. just few more mths, and it'll be daddy's death anniversary. i haven't totally accepted th fact that he's alrdy left us, and what we had of him were just memories of th past. i really want to ask daddy, how is he right now; i miss him. alot.

such issues, brings me back to th word life - what is it, & why am i living and experiencing all these that i'm going thru now? lyk what F said, thr's earth thr's human. if earth did not exist, what are we? during th dinosaur's era, we were borned yet, but what were we?

i want to run to a faraway place, so badly.