thoughts! (:

heyo people!!

it has been a stressful week in school, and i've seriously not enough slp.

tues; physics, thurs; amaths, fri; social studies.

for both amaths and social studies it's for CT1, and physics it's jus a normal class test.

anyways, amaths earlier on was a disaster for me

cos my mind totally went black and could actuali imagined myself in such a situation durind o's.

i was just wondering wat if such a thing happened during o's

& wat if thngs jus turn our so well that i ace every sub except amaths which is a D!

gosh!! if that reali happened, i tink i'll just cry out a river.

however, in spite of such thoughts, i said a short prayer to my Daddy God.

i prayed to him asking if i shld drop amaths and concentrate on my other subs and Ace it.

i prayed for wisdom and guidance of th holy spirit.

i prayed and ask th holy spirit to guide me thru all this, and help me make th right decision.

somehow, i'm still in doubts.

but i recalled wat Mrs Tan shared for morning reflection this morning

about how God helped a man who has lost his talent physically:

thr's this man, he's a poet and has a talent to write beautiful poems.

until on this day when he became blind cos' of old age.

he wrote a poem on his agony and how he feels losing God's given talent.

and how he imagined how God has spoken to him,

telling him that thr's sure an opportunity that he'll be able to outshine

even though he has lost God's given talent, with faith and sheer perserverence

thr's always an open door.

soyeah, maybe maths isn't wat i'm good at

but thr's sure other subs that i'll do well in and miracles(sp?) can happened.

anyways, good news to share!!!

I PASSED MY GRADE 6 THEORY EXAMINATION!!!

will be getting my results and cert on sat during theory lessons @ ms lee's.

can't wait!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD

ohyes, opinions:

just read david's blog a few moments ago.

and sort of agree wit wat he blogged abt and th kind of views that he shared.

here are a few qoutations "Can we drink? Can't we talk about relationship?

Why we can't do what we used to do? I feel so limited...

Well.. who say we can't do the above?

It's just about having control and having a clear mind of what you are going to do.

It's all about your conviction in God. There are certain things you will do

and certain things you will never ever touch.

Knowing God has never become a time where you loses your freedom.. your joy..

your friends and your life!

If i still want to lead the old dirty unacceptable lifestyle that i used to enjoy..

probably you don't get the picture of leading a Jesus-Centred Lifestyle..

How much more can i rant about this?

Guys.. GROW UP! Even the things being done can be accepted to many....

please.. does it even meet the criteria that the government had set upon the teens?"

it's kinda true upon wat he blogged abt.

abt th thoughts abt why why why why and more why(s)??

& yeah, why not ponder abt this friends?

unseen!

hello darlings!! :DDDDDD

anyways, i'm kinda early in www.blogger.com today cos i'm currently

waiting for jaslyn rachel moh to finish her prata at jalan kayu

and travel bk to hg to meet me to study (:

soyeah, school was alright today, better than ytd since ytd was a tiring day.

lets see :

i went school early ytd to study

& had o's music ytd after school until 1800hrs;

and that makes it 12hours straight of school!!! ARH!!!

headed to hg mall to get some stationeries(?) and chi close passage assessment bk.

seriously bad at it, and thats th section that always pulls me down during a test

when i did well in my compre which i attain almos a full marks for it.

soyeah, decided to invest in th book!! i want a A1 for my chinese!! (:

while on th way home, saw jasmine, shayne and mason at mac's

so pop-ed by and realise thr's a study session ltr in th night,

and decided to join as thr was a physics test today.

went bk to join them after gg home for a shower and to get my books.

at th session was esther, jasmine, mason, shayne, shawn teo, ben, eunice

quite productive!! YAY!! (:

ohyes, special thanks again to MR DARWIN SIM! for talking sense into me!!

hahaha (: and yes, i'll rmb tt ample rest = good results!! :DDDD

open doors!

hello people!!! :DDDDDD

it's saturday again; which means it's th weekend!!

soyeah, woke up kinda late today cos ytd night wasn't reali feeling

well after study session wit jas and beth which ended arnd 10plus.

ohya, & thanks darwin simfor your concern and asking me to slp early,
and thus i was feeling better th nxt morning.

was feeling stress-ed up cos o's this yr, & i reali want to score 10pts for L1R4.

and that means that i'll be able to go into th course i want in TP.

ohwell, if i study smart; work hard; pray hard-er i'm sure God will make it come to pass! (:

soyeah, had cg meeting today at mason's hse in th afternoon.

in which jared ask me if i want to join children church as a ministry to help play th keyboard.

i hope i can, but yeah have to ask dad for consent first :(

anyways, kaiyi and stephen will be transferred out to another CG with effect from nxt wk.

will definitely miss their presence in th CG;

but i'm sure they will shine even brighter for th glory of God!! (:

ohyes, th cg is spilt into connect groups which consist of 3-4ppl in a group.

i'm place wit shaun & jasmine!! YAYNESS! (:

had music from 430 to 530 after which i was suppose to meet jas to study,

but she couldn't make it last minute, so plans were changed.

soyeah, thats abt it for today!! stay tune-ed yo! :DDDD

p.s: i shld put my thoughts away for now; since nth seems to be working out.

i shld just concentrate on my studies and score well in o's.

things that come unexpected, i shall just take it by faith.

as i can see a vision that th past will come to pass (:

revelations.

hello world!!!

i'm back to update u guys upon wat went on today!! (:

as u all noe from th new, o lvl's result is being released today!!

gosh!! i was thr at th school witnessing how th whole sec4 graded as a cohort;

and at th samw tym witness th sec4 recieving their results from thr FT.

generally SJC did a good job in this yr O's, having attained quite a number of distinctions.

butyeah, kinda worried for for th current sec 4/5 cohort,

as we are not that ON as compared to th previous.

my reaction when i see tears of disappointments; tears of joy; & how well th cohort did was,

just simply SHOCKED! seriously.

i was jus stunned upon how well th previous batch did for their amaths,

having almost half th lvl getting distinctions!! OMG!!

i was lyk wondering if i could ever achieve such results.

top scorers were announced and yeah, GOOD JOB GUYS! (:

ohya, guess wat my pri senior amanda lee, attained a straight 8POINTS for L1R5!!

when i heard that i was once again SHOCKED!

as in not in th bad way, but shocked in a way that a normal human being

can actuali score such good grades!!! (:

soyeah, headed home after having meesua for lunch wit beth, yp, cindy and jaslyn.

met beth at 6 to study at hg mall, but onli managed to complete emaths.

then went over to join eunice, shawn, shayne and jiefang who were oso at mac.

was reali worried abt myself, upon overseeing th scene of th result taking;

i was practically imagining th worse that could ever happened.

couldn't take it and went to th waskroom to let it all out.

and guess wat, i didn't know that i was that weak; i didn't know that i was shaken.

i mean it's th fear in me that kept on harping upon my thoughts.

so left ahead after packing up stuff.

who knws, the moment i stepped out of mac, i jus start crying.

walked and walked and walked.

and as i walk, i prayed and questioned God why am i gg thru all this;

why am i actuali feeling th stress at th starting of th year when i nvr felt it before ever.

i paryed and prayed and prayed.

& then th song "God of my Forever" just started to play in my head.

as i continue to worship and praying to God,

i felt God speaking to me :

" shermagne, u must not be afraid. i believe u can do it & i've faith in you.

i having faith in you is sufficient enough to overcome th fear that's in you.

remember, times when u are faithless, i'm always faithful."

i reali thank God. i reali thank God for speaking to me so close to me.

& by th tym i found myself reaching serangoon, i realise that

i walked home from hg mall.

WOW! how amazing!! (:

all renew-ed.

heys world!!!

back to update on wat happened th last few days.

monday; 21Jan'08

happy sweet 16th JAS! ILY!!! <3

soyeah, day wasn't a bad day i guess.

lessons in school as usual an headed to cp to meet up wit jasmine, shayne and shawn.

had a fun tym playing truth & dare wit them after serious studying.

it's quite enjoyable having to understand each other better through th game.

hahaha (: we shld have more of this kinda thng yeah? (:

ohya, i made a pact wit shawn upon th huge round famous amos cookie.

we made a pact that if he scored 5-6pts for N's i'll buy him that wit th "WELL DONE" word ontop.

and if i scored 10-11pts for O's, he'll buy that for me!!

hahaha (:

soyeah, another motivation for me to work towards my goal (:

okays, then studied tgt wit jaslyn, beth and LJ as she came wit a surprise for Jas :DDD

was quite productive thought, and reached home around 10plus.

tuesday; 22Jan'08

reali thank God for a productive day today!! AMEN! (:
after school headed to cp's POP to get th materils needed for th korea project.

bought lunch and went to me hse to start hands on!!! (:

settled down and started doing and it turned out reali nice!! YAY! :DDD

but bro says it looks as if we are th North Koreans, trying to attack th South Koreans;

cos thr were red flags marking out at diff areas of th south korea's landform.

hahaha (: joke of th day man!! hahaha (:

actuali wanted to meet jas and beth in th evening for study session, but dad don't allow,

so ended up at home doing my own revision (:

wednesday; today; 23Jan'08

hohohoho!!~~~ today was an enjoyable day wit fellow helen-ers (:

went to help out in sec1 hse prac wit beth today, & i sort of lyk it man!!

i mean, nvr in my life was i part of th helen's committee.

soyeah, headed bk to school from yishun stadium at arnd 530.

was feeling reali shag and all but still decided to carry on wit th study session wit beth and jas.

studied until arnd 9 and headed home.

i tink today is quite a productive and fruitful day!! YAY! (:

anyways, somethng just caught my thinking; & i feel lyk sharing it out (:

soyeah, i was jus wondering if thngs that used to be can be thngs that use to be.

one in th past tense, and th other th present tense.

i mean lyk, do ppl actuali regret on stuff they shld have done but nvr did?

do ppl actuali reflect upon mistake that they nvr knew existed?

sometyms i'm seriously confused upon thngs that are happening arnd me.

it's lyk thngs that i seriuosly carry so much hope upon,

just seems and appear to be in contradictions.

no matter how hard i tried to get th situation bk to wat it used to be;

it'll all just end wit just a shout in th public.

thr's nth much i can do wit such thngs ;

but why do such passing comments make me so over th moon and

having me pin my hopes high again. confusions.

is it just human nature that we do take passing comments as serious business,

but having our hopes drop from sky high when thngs don't get fulfil-ed?

i reali wonder ...

soyeah, have any views? do drop a comment!! (:

finally after so long!

heyheys world!! back to updating after sooooooo long!!! (:

hahhaha. feels as if i'm stapled out of th world man.

but yeah, lots of updates to do & lots of sharing to share! YAY! (:

so i'll start with a sermon preached by BJ at CG just ytd:

3 things about knowing myself in God:

1) self denial does NOT mean self degradation

2) self love does NOT mean selfishness

3) self awareness does NOT mean self absorption

oh and BJ gave every single one of us to do th DISC personality test.

& my primary trait is ome Domineering; secondary trait is Influence.

kinda different from what i was previous when i'm in sec1 and sec3 that i took th test.

in sec1 i was a super high Sensitive; which i think shld be th so called emo kind.

then in sec3 i was a super high I; which i tink meant that i could approach social circles.

and then now i am a DI.

hahaha (: but yeah, it's not a bad thng though.

can see changes in me whr now i tend to take control of whatever is happening

& at th same tym being person of influence to th ppl arnd me.

so it's not a bad thng afterall, & it's a new year anw (:

soyeah, kinda lyk th word today. learnt somethng reali impt!! (:

after CG headed to toapayoh wit DEBBIE LIM XIU EN

and had a very long heart to heart + catching up on th bus! love it!! (:

had theory lesson & after which headed to amk hub to meet LOVE <3.

shopped arnd ; left after buying food home.

service is tmr & i'm so looking forward to it!!! haahahaha :DDDDDDD

P.S: i'm so happy today! didn't expect such a msg to come from you.

but yeah, i'm glad that u made th first move.

& just that short lil convo via sms was enough to make me happy!! (:

IFY, when u called last wk just to ask abt trival matter,

i was just over th moon!! hahahah (:

THANKS SO MUCH!!! :DDDDDD

tiring; shag!

level camp officially starts tmr for SJC

& that i'm a class instructor for this yr's sec one orentation camp.

gosh!! after soooooooooo many meetings during th hols

as well as when school starts;

all those plannings and discussion;

th sec one orentation camp, namely CAMPEZ AVATAR is finally here.

i'm a lil excited yet a lil worried plus dreadful.

i knw it's a lil contradictive, but i'll tell u why it's exciting yet worrying-ful plus dreadful.

firstly, i'll be excited cos' i sort of lyk my class & can feel th class spirit

& yes, i've total faith that 1 FAITH ' 08 can do a good job in this camp as a class.

secondly, i'm worried because i haven't totally recovered,

& my voice still sounds a lil croaky and i'm worried that i'll lose my voice towards th end of th camp.

thirdly, i'm dreadful because i'm kinda fearful that i won't do a good job

& that at th moment i'm suppose to give instruction, my brain will freeze

and will not know what to say & at th end of th day will kena scolding.

gosh!!

but one good thng is that after all this i'll regain my slp hours

& do not need to look & feel lyk a zombie during school hours.

hahaha (:

soyeah, do keep me in prayers yeah??

cya in 3days!! :DDDDDDDDDDDD

a brand new year!

hello world!!

haven't been blogging for so long & finally i manage to find some tym out.

hahaha :DDDDDD

soyeah, has been a busy and tiring week for me!!

feeling kinda tired and wat i feel lyk doing th most is to just have a day

whr i got th whole tym in th day to slp as much as i want

without any disturbance; then i can fulfil my long awaited 16hours

straight beauty sleep tym!!

ohya, th worse thng that can ever happen to anyone

is when ill and yet do not have enough slp and rest.

above that thr's still a whole pile of hmwk to be completed and handed up.

gosh!! so many thng s to do yet so little tym.

i was wondering how am i gg to complete my amaths TYS when

i've onli started on th first 3 chapters,

and i'm supposeto complete everythng by tmr if not FT is gonna flair up.

GOSH!! such a tiring week that had just past.

lets see wat had happened :

WEDNESDAY! 1) school starts

2) taking care of secondart 1 class & trying to hype them up.

3) meetings after meetings in school

4) reaching home after 6 every day from school.

5) lesser sleeping tym :(

THURSDAY! 1) 2nd day of school

2) stayed wit secondary 1 class & camp prep-ing

3) amaths test! :(

4) meetings after meetings in school

5) reaching home after 6 every day from school

6) lesser sleeping tym :(

FRIDAY! 1) 3rd day of school & lesson starts

2) lots of target setting for subjets

3) meetings after meetings in school

4) IJ trail try-out at chijmes

5) reaching home after 6 every day from school

6) lesser sleelping tym :(

SATURDAY! 1) finally can sleep until super late! (:

2) slacked arnd at home & went for music in late afternoon

3) came back home & more beauty slp! (:

SUNDAY! 1) 1st sunday in 2008!!! :DDDDDDD

2) went for service in th morning; cab-ed down wit shuan and LOVE.

3) after service go buy my Ripples flip-flops from PS with LOVE.

4) shopped arnd and went orchard's Swensen's for Gideon's gathering

5) bought BESTFRIEND ring/chain wit LOVE.

6) train-ed/bus-ed home wit LOVE.

this coming week will be more tiring then th following week ;

cos' th sec 1s are gg to have their first ever lvl camp,

& that means that instuctor's lights out will be super late.

hahaha :DDDDDDDDD

but i tink it's gonna be alright,

cos' i'm sure God will definitely path a way out;

& He'll sure give me th strength to stay energetic in front of th sec 1s

no matter how tired i may be :DDDDDDDDDDDd

do keep me in prayer yeah??

ohohoh, & do pray for me that God will grant me th discipline

of both heart and mind that i can concentrate on my goals,

and make it a point that i have to do regular revision

so that i won't panick when o's is nearing!! (:

ohyes friends!! guess wat!! my bday is on 17oct and on 20Oct is

my first written paper for O's.

haiz... and that means that i won't be able to celebrate my bday in 2008!!

ARH!!! hahahhaah :DDDDDDDDDDDD

year 2008!

HAPPY YEAR 2008!!!! :DDDDD


year 2007 passed so quickly!! i don't want it to pass!!
entering into year 2008 means that it's th year to take my o lvls!! ARH!!!
hahaha (:
however, reviewing back into year 2007, it is awesomely a fruitful year!! (:
received christ in April, and withstanding PO ever since until now.
it has been an awesome 8months in christ, & having seen myself grown so much!
from a crawling chirstian that i was from th beginning, to a walking christian ;
from a person who nvr knew her life worth was this much,
to a person who treasures life and know that she has a Lord who know her true & through.
thought it has not been easy perservering through these 8mths of PO;
having to make excuses to come church at th beginning;
& now making known to parents, and tolerating their rants and all.
having seen myself reaping(sp?) wat i sowed from th beginning,
it's just so true that God nvr short changes us; but in turn He'll give more!
through these 8mths,
verses after verses; it became wat i read to relax my mindset (:

1) book of matthew
2) pslam 37:4
3) pslam 49
4) phillipians 3:7-14
5) ephesians 6:10-18


other then thanking God for having me to get to knw Him ;
i reali wanna thank God for placing ppl in life that has made a great impact in my life.
it is th friendship forge between each other,
and having th assurance that no matter what happens, they'll sure be thr for you.

#01 DEBBIE:
th girl that nvr fails to cheer me up and put a smile on my face when i see her! (:
deb! thanks for always being thr for me when i needed u.
thanks for remembering me when u're in china and NZ.
i reali miss those days that we have our heart to heart talk after badminton.
i reali miss those days that we meet up almost everyday during th hols.
i reali miss those days whr we used to crap so much that we get tired.
hahah. it's reali a blessing having u in my life, and i reali thank God for that !!
YOU ROCK MAN!!!! LOVES <3>
#02 DANNON:
th friend i don't tink i can survive if he's not around.
dannon har!! one of my closest friend; one of my older friend; my confidante.
but also th friend that nvr failed to make me smile when i'm down;
a friend that nvr fails to show concern when i'm ill;
& a friend that nvr fails to lend a listening ear when i needed them.
it seems lyk ages from th tym i knw u; but it has onli been a few mnths.
dannon arh dannon, next tym must pick up ur phone okays?
thr's still lots i want to tell u abt, but thr's no tym!!
school is re-opening, and u onli get to book out on friday,
and that means that i onli get to talk to you on weekends!!
oh, this is bad!! hahah(:
it's okays, i'll pray every night tt God will multiply th tym i communicate wit u!
YOU PEBBLE!!!! LOVES! <3>
#03 EUNICE:
th friend tt is so called my fashion consultant!!
hahaha(: i still rmb th day when i first came into th CG,
my first impression of u was, i don't lyk you!!
i was just wondering why are you always making things your way
and thinking that everythng u thinks is correct means its correct.
but as th tyms goes by, i realise that somehow
out character, out attitude seems to be similar at tyms.
th way we look at thngs; th wat we feel and all!!
and yeah, i do miss those tyms whr we used to talk at night.
but nxt yr cannot alrdy hors, but don't forget out study dates
at kovan mac until 930 every night okay?
hahah, nxt yr both of us taking o's ehs, so better not playplay uh!!
hahaha(: we must work hard together okays?
YOU STONE!!!!! LOVES! <3>
#04 LAVINIA:
my wife, and one of my closest friend!!
thanks for being thr thru th late nights when i need to revise my amaths.
thanks for being thr when i need someone thru th late nights.
thanks for th assuring words that you gave when i truely and gratefully needed them.
thanks for th a/e maths tuition that u always gave when u're free!
thanks for everythng wife! (:
i knw it's hard to tolerate my attitude when i'm not in th right mood;
cos' i knw it's reali reali bad.
thr's reali nth much i can say other then thanks!
and yeah, i love you wife! (:
YOU MARBLE!!! LOVES! <3>
#05 FIONA:
th friend that is always 24/7 on standby for me!!!
th friend that no matter what happens, i knw she'll be thr will nvr not be thr.
th friend that can tong gan gong ku!!
and that i'm sure, plus gurantee, plus chop i tell you!!
hahaha (:
most imptly, th friend that i'm sure u good or u not good, she's thr lo!
dunno how to describe oso la, hahahah (:
in conclusion!! I LOVE YOU FIONA TAN!!!! <3>
#06 W212:
th onli thng i can say is that;
it's th cell group to be in; th CGL you must have!!
i'm LOVIN' IT!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD


TO YOU MY FRIEND! :
i don't know what happened after u entered th working society.
it just seems so stranger; lyk we nvr knew each other before.
for now, it seems lyk u can't be bothered at all.
even in a bus ride, it just felt so much lyk strangers;
just a seat away, and thr's nth to talk abt.
it felt so cold that tear drops turns into icycals(sp?).
everythng tt i shouldn't have dreamt & wished abt,
shld jus end wit a fullstop and thats that.
somehow, i wonder if those postcards that i wrote for you last tym;
do u still keep it or u've alrdy discarded them when u were shifting hse.
& i wonder if u still rmbed those happy moments that we enjoyed tgt.
those warmth had went down th drain,
& i feel that u treat a stranger better than how u're treating me now.
even if we were side by side, not a single word is spoken.
even if i were sick and feeling teribble, and u knew it, but nvr cared.
i dunno, LOVE told me i shld just let this friendship go,
cos at th first place you didn't even treat me as if i was your bestfriend.
wat i feel is that u treated me a way and took me as someone
tt u could spend tym with just to past tym.
and when you're fine after a period of tym; i'm just discarded and unwanted.
thr's this card i wanted to give u during x'mas; but i decided not to;
i placed it in my notebook, in fear u might come upon by mistake.

christmas!!! (:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! (:

in a blink of eye, christmas' 07 is over.

i seems lyk i just celebrated christmas' 06 last year man!!!

but yeah, it's great seeing how God had made a tremendous

move in each and every single individual this year ;

everyone having a breakthrough after breakaway camp ;

having new visions and dreams.

it was a blast this year man!!!

answering christ in april, and now seeing myself grow and change

so much after 9months in church.

made many friends that i can confine in; made many friends

that will for sure be thr when i needed them ;

& most imptly having gained memories that are precious!!! (:

in conclusion: GOD IS GOOD!!! GOD IS AWESOME!!! GOD IS REAL!!!

PEEKURESSSSSSSSSS! <3

heyheyhey!!! =)

shermagne is happy!! shermagne is happy!!! shermagne is happy!!

hahaha (: say YAY!!! :DDDDDDDD

somehow, i'm happy today!!

& thats a good thng i knw cos that means SHERMAGNE IS BACK!

soyeah, went over grandma's hse today and acc her th whole day.

real fun having to spend tym wit her after soooooo long!

had dinner over at her place

& trust me, th chilli crabs that she cooked is th best okays!!

hahaha :DDDDDD

ohohoh, tmr finally gg to meet up wit yanping & jaslyn!!

so happy man!!

heyhey!!! i'm a happy girl!!!! (:

it felt lyk strangers

stayed home th whole day today

watching taiwanese drama- my lucky star.

cried my eyes out while watching th show.

trust me, it is th first ever show that made me cry so much okays!!

watched till abt 4plus 5 when i stopped cos was having tummyache.

ran to th toilet & ended up throwing up.

vomitted and vomitted as if thr was no tmr; terrible man.

popped in penadol and went to slp.

woke up arnd 7plus & thank God i was feeling a lil better.

msg-ed and ring-ed up bestfriend after 4days!!! much miss man!!!

but.. th whole conversation seems so stranger lyk.

i mean lyk it felt so cold; it felt as if we both nvr known each other.

i felt lost; i felt scared; i felt worried;

th first thought that came into me was " what am i to do? "

tears just flowed down lyk taps after hanging up.

i was totally lost. i reali miss bestfriend alot alot!!!!!!!!

but thr's nth i can possibly do.

" passing remarks taken as real words from th heart;

results turned out to be heartaches & disappointments.

what's th use of putting in so much effort?

disappointments is wat you'll get in th end."

however, i'm just gg to persevere on; i will wait.

though th decision that i'm making

might just make me reali tired after a period of tym;

but i don't want to live regretting wat i shld have done.

-

" i'm sorry, i don't know you that well. "

IMY!

i miss you;
but i don't have th courage to tell you i really do.


-


TODAY BROTHER'S POP!! YAY!! :DDDD

okays, shall let th pictures do th talking.

arrived at changi pier & took a ferry to pulau tekong!

arrived tekong at abt 1005amtekong's parade square before 1015am

recruits from coy E, coy C, coy F started marching in at 1015am

& th ceremony officially start!! (:

after a speech, th recruits starts to march pass at 1045am

recruit C W TANG! (:

Brother wit mum! (:

then wit DAD! (:

& wit yours' truely!! (:
at last, TANG FAMILY! (:
then wit th cousins! (:

& FINALLY OUT OF TEKONG AT 1200pm!! YAY!! :DDDD

revelations (:

haven't recovered from cough since arrival from korea

which was a week ago i guess.

isit a bad thng or a good thng uh ?

hahah, i oso dunno.

on 1 hand, i wish i nvr recovered; but th other i wish i got my voice back.

gosh!!! thr i go again. contradictions.

anyways, was scrolling thru hp inbox & realise that then was different from now.

it's lyk promises made then, seems to be empty promises.

however, when promises made then, were said to be not an empty promise.

okays, do u all get it ? i doubt so.

hahhaha, read through all;

some were encouraging; heartbreaking; heartwarming; touching.

but somehow, wat shld be happening seems to be in contradictions.

but you know, words that seems to be might not necessarily

means it is meant from th heart;

it might jus be a passing remark but took seriously &

at th end of th day when everythng reveals, it's just hard to take.

hahaha, though thngs do happen but it's just meant to be i guess.

thr's nth that can be done to make th matter not happen again.

people do come and go in life, & it's oneself that makes th difference.

thr's somethng that Ivan said, that kept me thinking for a few days;

"friends that leak our secrets; friends that betray you;

that does not mean he/she is not a good friend. situations that happen

between you & your friends, make you change challenges into opportunities

for you to understand & know your friend better."

it's jus simple words lyk these, that set me thinking abt wat he said.

& somehow, just few situations

that happen before/during/after breakaway camp, sets me thinking & understanding.

it jus made me feel that GOD indeed is amazing.

things that happened in my life, GOD know it all;

he has alrdy lit-ed up th path that i need to take.

it's just me that is not obedient, & that leads to unwilling-ness.

on that particular phone conversation wit Ivan,

he ask me what is my desire in church & in cell group.

that again sets me thinking; what do i reali want?

i thought of all this questions, all this doubts; having a buring desire for an answer.

& what i know now is that once again, i reali need to revive

th fire that was once burning real hot for GOD.

once again, i know that i have to be obedient and willing in GOD's word.

& thats why today i made a promise to GOD; to myself;

i want to be th encourager; i want to be th initate-er;

i want to be GOD sensitive; i want to have a vision/ revelation.

i prayed to GOD, ensuring HIM upon th thngs i promised.

& somehow i felt a nudge in my heart, ensuring me that i can, i can, i can.

i want to rise up!

i want to once again break my heart, for GOD to heal it.

ALLELUIA! PRAISE TH LORD! :DDDDDDDDD

GIDEON ON! (:

heyheyss!!! back from camp!! and finally (:

ET BREAKAWAY CAMP '07!!!!

day ONE!

met up wit fiona and eunice in th morning for breakfast

before gg to th camp site which was at PLMGS(primary).

waited for cab for nearly an hour but all was hired and then we were alrdy late.

but thank God that eunice's dad was at home

and he sent us thr. (:

upon reaching thr th atmosphere of th camp was jus great!!!

every team was doing their respective cheers!! WOW! (:

gideon did thr cheer and guess what,

to me it was th best la!!!! hahahha(:

who is th one at th warfront?

whoompa whoompapa

who is th one at th warfront?

whoompa whoompapa

ooh ga ah, oohga oohga ah ah

who you wanna be ar?

gidion warrior

who you wanna be ar

number one!!

go~~~ Gideon!!!

*-clap!- ohssshh (fire)

*gideon warrior's trademark!!

itenary of th day:

1) bacteria game - fun!! (:

2) build th tallest tower using newspaper & masking tape! - gideon came in 2nd! YAY! (:

3) cleared bunk up and settled in

4) painted flag - gideon's flag super nice!! pink was out identity! (:

5) praise & worship! - BEST! (:

6) fast & furious! - gideon onli completed 3stations but still, WELL DONE! (:

7) night session - BEST! God's presense was so strong. fell upon His power 3times. PTL! (:

8) showered, dinner, lights out.

9) 1am in th morning, facilitators woke us up for an unexpected night activity.

almost everyone kena sabo-ed, but jazmin & i was safe! hahaha (:

day TWO!

itenary of th day:

1) PT in th morning - GOOD! (:

2) breakfast then had morning session

3) racing game thng - gideon came in 3rd overall! YAY! (:

4) bidding and cooking game! - FUN! (:

5) waterbomb!! - SUPER DUPER FUN! (:

6) shower then drama prep!!!

7) drama rehearsal! - screwed!

8) dinner and camera, lights, action!

9) drama was good!!! - gideon came in 3rd!! YAY! (:

10) GIDEON WAS TH OVERALL WINNER!!! YAY!!! (:

GIDEON ROCK!!!! YAY!!!! ET BREAKAWAY CAMP ROCK!! YAY!!

"ET breakaway

!ET.. Hey!

ET.. Ho!

ET.. Yea!

ET.. Yo!

*11claps*.... ET!"

it's tym to kiss goodbye!

now dad reali seems as if he can't be bothered wit me at all.

for example; th night i arrived in singapore from korea,

he can't even be bothered to ask if i was okays when i'm coughing reali badly.

but all he did was scolded me for lending my phone to my friend to use in korea.

and then he went on nagging abt my phone bills;

but for what i tink my bills are actuali gg down instead of gg up.

sigh! wat to do, for now they do care abt bro more than me!!

okays, enough of that.

anyways, just now during th late afternoon,

met up wit eunice, fiona at gardens for some kbox kinda thng at "fantasy".

ivan and kenneth came along.

at first it was quite fun and all wit all those out of pitch singing at tyms.

but towards th end of th session, during and after hearing

wang lee hom's kiss goodbye, lots of thoughts & flashbacks hit me.

thoughts of tyms when i say mentioned i wanted to go MIA

and wonders of if i shld actuali put in action wat i mentioned.

i was wondering if it'll just be easy and all if i just didn't even appear at all.

then i would not need to go thru everythng.

but somehow, i do believe that God sent every single one of us onto earth

for a special task & shine for His glory.

however, i can't help but wonder if thr's reali a difference

if i'm present or not ;

cried on th way back home on th bus home & while walking home.

tried hard to hide those tears in but failed.

and now can't slp cos flashbacks came coming back,

thats why decided to come online.

misses.

will be at th airport in 7hours tym.

flight is at 8am.

am i excited? i dunno, maybe yes, maybe no.

yes cos it's th first tym i'm in korea, & i love winter.

no cos nobody will knw what's gonna happen next.

somehow, thr's lots i wanna say to alot of ppl.

but then, when a conversation starts,

it's jus a plain bonvoyage, takecare & goodbye.

thr's still so many thngs i wanna say,

but somethng seems to be preventing me from doing so.

these days, i dunno why?

once night falls or when i'm alone, it's th tym when i tink th most;

and tink things for th worse.

gosh!! this is bad, and this is not gg to bring me anywhr. i dunno.

i'm confused, stuck in a situation i reali wanna get out of!!!

sometym i wonder why i'm showing a facade in front of ppl,

and why am i always acting everythng is fine, when it obviously not.

it's jus wierd having thoughts of th same over and over again.

i don't like it, & i want it out of my brain!!! i can't stand it anymore

-sigh!- howhowhow?

shld i or shld i not call bestfriend now ?

or shld i just go MIA?

memories.

once again, lots of thoughts came upon today;

went school in th morning, handed up stuff and cabbed home.

changed and off to vivo to meet bestfriend.

bought shower gel and body lotion from bodyshop for upcoming korea trip.

walked arnd, and didn't get to buy my toe socks.

abt 1plusl left vivo for pp, to collect bag.

on th trip back to pp, tears that i've been holding back

since th starting of th day start to flow,

& i knew bestfriend was sort of worried and pissed at th same tym.

i didn't knw how to put th reason i cried into words.

i'm reali sorry.

waited for bestfriend to return wit bag at some building as it was raining.

while waiting for bus, i told bestfriend th reason why i cried.

i cried cos, thoughts of th world arnd me changing upon my return from korea,

made me reali afraid and lost at th same tym.

i was reali fearful that everythng will just change when i'm away.

lyk having bestfriend and wife, turning a back at me;

having th CG totally forget that i even exist;

& worst of all, having noone realise that i'm not in SG for th past week,

& tt even if i've reali gone MIA, noone will even realise.

but somehow, i suddenly rmb-ed what bestfriend told me when having lunch

" if you go MIA, i'll call your phone until bao! & if u go MIA, i'm gg to kill u."

it some sort, comforted me in a sense.

& guess what, while playing a fool at th busstop,

and when my bus arrives, i suddenly wanted to hug bestfriend,

but it turned out to be a laughing stock.

saddening right?

for now, i seriously and reali feel lyk hugging someone reali tight.

okays, i'm done!!

ohohoh, i'm leaving for korea in less than 48hours tym.

& i'm starting to miss bestfriend;

i'm starting to miss church!!

cold winter.

i don't want to do what i'm doing now.

my heart aches th moment i speak words i don't wanna say.

i just wanna say thngs my heart reali speaks.

but somehow when i try, it'll fail.

i reali wished to ask those questions,

but whatever thngs that comes out from my mouth seems to be in contradictions.

it's not onli you that miss th old shermagne tang.

i miss it too!!! i want my old self back; i want to be th same as before.

i want to tell you how much i miss those times;

how much i miss those trips to

TP library, AMK library, SK library, AMK hub, TP hub, TP entertainment centre's mac,

Queens ikea, Vivo starbucks, Vivo DIY fix shop, Vivo mart;

those walks from AMK library to AMK hub,

those walks from TP library to TP hub,

those nonsense that were done in th library, TP mac, queens ikea;

those bus rides from TP to serangoon, from AMK to serangoon;

those toastbox treats and those red tea treats from sweet talk;

& most of all i miss those long chats until th wee hours of th morning.

i remembered, once we chatted all th way till 3am in th morning.

i remembered, those tyms when i called you crying and u didn't knw what to do.

i remembered, u wanted to sacrificed your study time just to acc me.

gosh!! thr's so many thngs that i want to do again.

i want an encore!!

tyms when i said i want to go MIA, you were pissed.

at that moment, i wanted to ask you if u knew how tired i were,

trying to please everyone arnd me,

but all i needed was jus a phone call or a simple msg.

i wanted to tell you so many thngs that somehow i just spoke in contradictions.

i dunno why?

all i know is i reali miss th old me. alot.

mayb more than you even knw.

period.

afraid and lost.

today was much of showing off facade.

i was just wondering if thngs were starting to change.

alot.

thr's lots of thngs i want to rant abt;

thr's lots of thngs i want to say & thr's lots of stuff that i wanna ask.

i want to seek advise from bestfriend,

but recently, i just can't seem to bring myself from doing so.

i dunno why? mayb it's just me.

it's just this somethng that is keeping me from doing so.

frankly speaking, i miss my old self.

when everythng is jus "happy-go-lucky" kinda thng ;

but now, i just seem to think alot into situations.

i'm getting sensitive, very.

nobody reali knws what i'm thinking.

sometyms, i feel that i speak in contradictions that noone is aware off.

solitude; somethng that i nvr want to experience.

i dunno why? mayb it's just me being too dependant.

oh God, please help me. help me get rid of those unspoken doubts,

that me myself might not be aware of.

right now, i feel lyk gg to th beach ;

listen to th calm clashing waves, having th cool breeze blow into my face ;

& having me sorting out th sophisicated thoughts

that me myself can't seem to get hold of.

okays, period.