time check: 1.24am now.

it's a cold night and i'm cuddled up in an old sweat shirt tht i haven't wore for a few years!

okayyy, well. i can't figure why i'm not aslp at this tyming. maybe cos my hair's still wet,

maybe cos random thoughts are running thru my mind,

maybe cos on-going headaches that i've been having, oh maybe just maybe.

i think ED said sth really true today; when someone ask-ed you if you are okayy cos of th blank expression you have on your face, and then you answered and said it was nothing and tht you were just tired. it very much means tht you have thoughts running thru your mind and just dk how to put it down in words or simply did not want to share. i find it quite true, cos i think tht's what i've been doing lyk majority of me tym. it's lyk i have those thoughts in my mind, swimming thru non-stop and i very much want to scream it out or share it to someone. but somehow, i will have th feeling tht noone uds what i am thinking and feeling and it's really difficult for me to share exactly how i felt. plus it's really difficult to find someone who has similar mindsets as mind, and look at things th way i look at it.

i'm a person who get annoyed very easily and tht does not mean tht i'm not annoying at times. and for that, i apologized. i feel myself changing; i see myself moulding into someone tht i want to be. i picture myself as a carefree girl, showing emotions as and when i felt lyk but nothing related to matters of th heart. i suck at it, and i don't think i'll ever will improve. i've resigned to fate, and shall just let things go as it is.

just today, i was sharing wit F tht i very much want to see you wearing th shirt i've gotten for you for your bday. i've yet to see you wear it, and i doubt i will. think th only chance would be upon coincidences tht i bump into you in sch, and you're wearing th shirt. ohwells, i can't deny th fact tht every single tym i go to tht particular canteen during my breaks, my heart will just pound incredibly fast, that sometyms it's difficult to breathe. but, nth beats th feeling of having your thoughts run wild, and feel th hole in your chest wallowing even deeper - th screams that will nvr be heard.

to end off, i came across this qoute post on tumblr, and found it quite true

"Pretend you don't love him, just pretend. Then two things will happen; either he realises how much he misses you, or you'll realise tht you don't need him."